Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Alex Williams. Learn more about dealing with emotions during divorce. Caring for yourself emotionally and physically is extremely important during the divorce process. Pamper yourself and give yourself time to heal.
The end of any significant relationship is one of the sad things you have to overcome. There is no point in being depressed and begging your spouse to come back. However, there are plenty of things you can do in order to successfully get through these tough times and become a better, wiser person.
Phase One: Distancing
A year or two before bringing the word “divorce” onto the table, the atmosphere in your marriage will change. Numerous arguments, stored resentments, vague and other bad feelings will occur, which will lead to finalization of your relationship. During this time of emotional distancing, you will feel anxiety, guilt, anger, love, depression, fear and all of the feelings will be mixed, since you don’t know what to do about your marriage. However, don’t be afraid to talk it out and mention a divorce, because from that point on, things can only be better for both of you.
Phase Two: Talk It Out and Make the Decision
As soon as both of you even think about divorce, it is best to either start working on the relationship or end it. Talk things out and have a plan for the divorce, talk about custody over your children, dividing the material things, and so on. Once you have reached the point when there is nothing else to talk about, file for the papers and gently break the news to the kids.
Phase Three: Finalize the Process
In order to start working on yourself and heal, you need the divorce to be finalized as soon as possible. When the decision has been made, file a divorce in California and get the process moving. The formal stuff can be done in a jiffy, but you still have a long way ahead to start a better life.
Phase Four: Give Yourself a Break
Feeling rather slow and a bit overwhelmed with feelings is perfectly normal after the divorce. Don’t beat yourself about it and allow yourself to function at a less optimal speed and level for some time. It is perfectly understandable if your productivity at work decreases a bit. You can even take a day or two off in order to get grounded and do other things that can take your mind off of the bad situation, without jeopardizing your work.
Phase Five: Acceptance
After you have separated both physically and emotionally, you will slowly start to accept the present situation. Even though at the beginning, you may feel lonely or live in denial, as days go by you will get used to living alone and feel the new emotions coming towards you. You will see the true image of your marriage and realize why it was bad, and that the divorce was a good decision. A sense of control and power will occur again and you will feel eager to start planning your future, and to create a new identity. This phase is filled with thrilling and positive thoughts and you should make use of that momentum to reinvent yourself and discover your desires and talents.
Phase Six: Emotional and Physical Care
Even though you may have accepted the reality, you will have moments of weakness. This is usually the time when people start using alcohol, drugs and cigarettes as a way of coping, but those will only cause more problems. Instead, be kind to your body and mind. Start eating healthy, learn how to relax and fight stress. Try and stick to your normal routines and just take things slow. Avoid making major life and work decisions, leave that for later – when your mind is ready.
Phase Seven: Be Positive
You will hear your family and friends saying that you need to stay positive. They are absolutely right. Don’t bury yourself in negative thoughts of how are you going to continue with life now, what should you do and why should you do it. Just go out and do the things you always wanted, but your spouse was never up for. Plus, do all of those things with a big bright smile. Try new things, create new family traditions and never despair. You need to be strong, both for your children and your own sake.
These several stages of a separation are quite common. However, some people may cope with grief and sadness in different ways, but above all you have to be strong and positive. If you teach yourself to do that, you will not even notice the time has passed by and your new life has already begun.
About the Author:
My name is Alex Williams, born and raised in beautiful Sydney. I am a journalism graduate, and a rookie blogger trying to find my luck. Blogs are the perfect opportunity for presenting yourself to wider audience, getting the chance to showcase my expertise and receiving recognition.